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Courtesy of The Mary Brannaman Collection

In these modern times, we seem to be living in a culture of perpetual force. It’s a way of living that has become so prevalent that it just seems normal. We see numerous examples in business and our current political process. Force is a strategy that seeks a win/lose outcome. It’s expedient and usually backed up with the justification of “making the tough choices”. When one form of force doesn’t work, we escalate our tactics, creating another forceful reaction. Force commonly results in defensive and sometimes fearful counter strategies. It also creates enemies. This way of living takes a tremendous amount of energy, it’s divisive and polarizing.

In Dr. David R. Hawkins ground breaking book, Power vs. Force:The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, he describes the benefits of power and it’s lasting effects. He says, “Power appeals to what uplifts, dignifies and ennobles. Force must always be justified, whereas power requires no justification”. Dr Hawkins says, “Force always succumbs to power….Because force has an insatiable appetite, it constantly consumes. Power in contrast, energizes, gives forth, supplies and supports.”  Power takes less energy because it attracts. Whereas force detracts and takes much more energy. Power creates peace of mind, force prevents it.

Why would we continue using force as a way of living if it steals our peace? Perhaps it could be that we unconsciously believe that true force is the only way to get things done. We see the short-term win/lose outcomes play out all around us and can’t see the long-term effects. It could also be because we don’t have enough modern-day examples or mentors that show us that power always works out better than force.

Fortunately, we have a perfect example in Buck Brannaman. In the documentary, Buck (2011), we get an everyday example of what power looks like. Buck Brannaman is a highly skilled cowboy, horse trainer, and people mentor. He was the inspiration for the movie, The Horse Whisperer (1998). Buck collaborates with the horses in ways that make it look like a beautiful dance. There’s a harmony exchanged that’s delightful to watch.

In this movie, we get to know Buck, his family, friends, and how his horse training skills affects the lives of others. His work is more than training horses, as he says, “A lot of times, rather than helping people with horse problems, I’m helping horses with people problems”

Buck’s life as a boy was filled with fear and pain. As a young ranch hand, he started to see how “breaking” horses was similar to his experience as a boy. He recognized the fear in the horses and felt compassion for them. He didn’t like the whole element of abuse inherent with the process. Although, “breaking” horses was considered the only way to train a horse. It was brutal but effective. That’s what Buck thought until he met his two mentors, Tom Dorrance and Ray Hunt. These gentleman teach Buck a “soft feel” when working with horses. They taught him how to be gentle and firm. He learned to respect the power they display and chose to make it his life passion. As he says, “If you get a taste of what I’m talking about, it will make you better in areas you didn’t think related to horses”.

In one scene, Buck is teaching how a horse responds to force using one of the participants as an example. Buck shows that when he pulls hard on the rope, held by the participant, it creates an equal and protective reaction. He shows that when there’s a give and take, then a natural harmony becomes possible.

Do You Come from Power or Force?
Buck shows us that your environment will reflect whether you’re coming from power or force. As he says, “Your horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you might not like what you see…Sometimes you will”. Throughout the movie, Buck is surrounded by friends, clients, and family that love being around him. When he works with each horse, it calms down and is softened by his powerful, yet gentle presence. Just like the horses, people are also a clear mirror and they’ll reflect for you whether your approach comes from power or force. It’s clear how people and horses feel about Buck. They love, respect, and enjoy him. This reflection is palpable and a pleasure to experience.

Watch Buck for Examples of Power
Throughout the movie, Buck’s command of power is evident in everything he does. We recommend you watch this movie and look for how Buck uses the following attributes of power and how you can mirror his examples:

Empathy	Courage	Instincts
Slow	Vulnerable	Calm
Compassion	Humble	Spirit
Respect	Grace	Equipoise
Give & Take	Gentle & Firm	Soft feel
Continuous Learning	Humanity	Sensitive
Response	Expectation	Open
Inclusive	No judgment	Confident
Flexible	Love	Strong

Choose Power
Buck says that his childhood experiences could have led him down a different path. Although, he chose a different way. As he says, “you gotta choice”. We can all benefit from the lessons Buck teaches in this film. Especially leaders in business, politics, and education. We need more mentors like Buck to inspire each of us to choose power over force; leaders to show us a different path.

“Be gentle in what you do and firm at how you do it”.  Buck Brannaman

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We spend the majority of our lives, eating, sleeping, releasing, and preparing to do it all again.  These activities consume our days as they do all animals on our planet.  At times, we get so caught up in these routines that we forget our unique ability to experience grace.  We miss the beauty that’s all around, asking us to remember our choice between our animal nature and grace.  This choice separates us from the animals and reminds us of our true human potential.  Sometimes we come to this discovery on our own.  While other times, it seems we need something to wake us up again.

In Terrence Malick’s latest film, Tree of Life, he takes us on a journey to help us remember we always have this choice.  As Mrs O’Brien (Jessica Chasten) says, “There are two ways through life: the way of nature, and the way of grace. You have to choose which one you’ll follow”.  Mr. Malick is giving us many opportunities to experiences tastes of grace in his new movie.

Grace lifts you above cause and effect. It raises you above this duality and takes you out of the realm of doing to a place of being. Grace allows you to feel forgiveness; the score no longer needs to be evened. Grace comes from your ability to detach from what is happening in your world and to experience sacred beauty.

Tree of Life

Tree of Life is set in 1950s Waco, Texas around a family of three boys and the life they share together with their parents, Mr. O’Brien (Brad Pitt) and Mrs. O’Brien.  The movie begins with the loss of the O’Brien’s son and the grief that follows.  Mr. Malick’s sensitivities to their grief and the pain they feel connects us to this family.  Their life has forever changed and it all seems lost.

As Mirabai Starr speaks of grief, “..who we used to be is annihilated by the power of loss, so that a new, broken-open self might gradually emerge from the ashes.  That by being stripped naked it is possible to have a direct encounter with the sacred…Once these constructs are dismantled, we are reconnected with our true selves, who want only one thing: union with the Divine.  We come to experience this yearning as an exquisite thing, a beautiful wound.”

We see the O’Brien family try to make sense of their child’s death and the lasting effect it has on all of them.  We also see other themes of letting go and accepting change as Mr. O’Brien becomes laid off and the family has to move.  We’re also reminded of the need to let go and accept our children as they are.  To forgive our parents, knowing they truly did the best they could.

Mr. Malick gives us numerous opportunities to experience sacred beauty.  It seems he’s trying to remind us what grace is and how exquisite it can be.  Malick uses every medium at his disposal so that each of us can sense beauty on our own terms.  The movie is filled with the sounds of nature that many of us just don’t here anymore.  Birds and bugs make a music that’s so calming to the ears.  Between these nature concertos, he selects some of the most beautiful performances ranging from Smetana’s The Moldau, to Berlioz’s Requiem.  We see the beautiful works of the famed architect, Philip Johnson and the Glory Window (Designed by French artist Gabriel Loire) from his Chapel of Thanksgiving.  Along with visuals of the Reunion Tower in Dallas which never looked so wonderful.

If nature sounds, architecture, and music don’t catch you, his magnificent use of light and color may.  He slows us down and helps us see that life and creation are not linear as we all expect it to be.  While creation at times can be messy, there is a perpetual beauty to be noticed in every moment and these moments go buy so quickly in Tree of Life.  Mr. Malick reminds us of these moments as we see the perfect shape of a baby’s foot or the slow play time that children revel in.  Even the dinosaurs are incredible to watch.  Malick uses technology to support all these clues to what grace and beauty look like.

Before seeing this film, we watched Terrence Malick’s The New World (2005).  He uses similar techniques to remind us that being vs. doing is a much more graceful and enjoyable way to live.  Throughout both films, Mr. Malick uses the characters thoughts and prayers as narration.  It’s another beautiful reminder of how similar we all are.  Our loss and struggles, our yearning for answers, and our search for God in the midst of challenging life changes.

While the details of our life experiences may be unique, our emotional journeys are similar.  Mr. Malick has once again showed us why being alive is a gift and reminds us to choose grace once again.

We recommend you watch Tree of Life and if you enjoyed it, check out his other film, The New World.  There are many deep themes in both movies and we would enjoy hearing your experience in this blog.  So please tells us what you think.

May you see the beauty that’s all around you and discover the grace that’s inherent with being alive.

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In 2009, writer-director, Quentin Tarantino, released his long-awaited film titled, Inglourious Basterds.  Mr. Tarantino took over ten years to complete his film and it was successfully received by selling over $314 million in sales worldwide.  When asked at the Cannes Film Festival about the mis-spelling of his movie, Tarantino said, “I’m never going to explain that. When you do an artistic flourish like that, to describe it, to explain it, would just … invalidate the whole stroke in the first place.”

Inglourious Basterds is about an elite group of Jewish-American soldiers who spread fear throughout Nazi-Occupied France during World War II.  Their tactics are violent and brutal.  As Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) says to his new recruits, “We will be cruel to the Germans and through our cruelty they will know who we are…the German will be sickened by us and the German will talk about us and the German will fear us”.  Lt. Raine’s strategies work as planned and the Germans are afraid, including their leader, Adolph Hitler.

Throughout the movie we are introduced to characters on both sides of the war.  Col. Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz) is a highly skilled SS interrogator who also uses brutal tactics to get what he wants.  He’s known as the “The Jew Hunter” and uses his charm to relentlessly pursue his targets.

The plot is centered around a film premier of a new German movie Nation’s Pride commissioned by Dr. Joseph Goebbels, the number two man in Hitler’s Third Reich.  Goebbels’ movie is about the German hero, Pvt. Fredrick Zoller, a sniper, who single-handedly killed over 300 ‘enemies’.  Pvt. Zoller is a hero and a source of nationalistic pride for Germany.   Because of his new hero status, he’s able to convince Goebbels to premier the film at a new location, owned by Emmanuelle Mimieux.

Emmanuelle is introduced to us at the beginning of the film as a young girl named Shosanna Dreyfus.  Unbeknown to the Third Reich elite, she witnessed the demise of her family at the hands of Col. Landa and is eager to avenge their death during the premier of Nation’s Pride. Shosanna plans get a boost when she learns that Adolf Hitler and his top four leaders plan to attend.  Hitler can’t resist the thought of being a part of an event celebrating Germany’s strength and pride as he says, “I do find myself thinking more and more about this Private Zoller.  This boy has done something tremendous for us and I’m beginning to think that my participation in this event could be meaningful.”

At the beginning of the movie, it seems clear who the good guys are and who the bad guys are.  As the movie progresses however, good and bad become harder to discern.  Each character’s behavior is a match for the other side in one form or another.  The more brutal the bad guys get, the good guys meet them at their game and then escalate.  Each side’s actions seem justified because they are defending the pride and honor of their country.  This nationalism becomes a driving force that seeks to win at any cost, regardless of the tactics chosen.   Each side believes it’s justified in serving justice through violence and vengeance.  Both sides believe that justice through violence and vengeance is the only course of action.

This movie allows us to take a look at vengeance and justice.  Is vengeance delicious justice to be celebrated?  Do the ends justify the means?  Isn’t our ability to force outcomes using any tactics necessary a sign of strength?  If we didn’t, wouldn’t we all live in fear that our country could be harmed or at worse, the bad guys win?  These questions keep us from discovering new possibilities to resolve conflict.  If each of us believe that force is the only winning formula that works, we’ll certainly be unable to find new peaceful solutions to the challenges we face as individuals and as a country.

We believe Inglourious Basterds is a powerful film because it also shows how “like attracts like” or as it has been called: The Law of Attraction.  When you give your complete attention and focus to anything there’s a type of union with it.  The stronger the focus, the more you become one with it.  A type of passion sets in and it’s powerful.  Unfortunately, we don’t realize how this can affect our lives when our focus becomes vengeance.  It’s all consuming and merges us with what we deem bad and evil.  Especially when it’s laced with fear.  Fear keeps good and evil inextricably linked.

The path of passionate vengeance may feel good for a little while, but it won’t lead to peace of mind.  Because there will always be another injustice to focus on, be it in the work place, at home, or in our politics.  Until we can discover a new approach with injustice as individuals, we’ll continue to rail against it in our daily lives, unconsciously seeking vengeance.  It’s not a path to peace and won’t lead us to discover new solutions to our challenges. It is a “win-lose” approach to settling differences and problems.  If you truly seek peace, tolerance is the first step to finding “win-win” outcomes in your life.  You have a choice: you can react to perceived injustice with fear and vengeance or respond with tolerance and love.

While Mr. Tarantino may never reveal why he intentionally mis-spelled the title to his film, we have a hunch it’s because of the message he’s sending.  “Inglourious” should be spelled inglorious, meaning without courage or glory and it’s spelled without a “u”.  Basterd is correctly spelled, bastard.  We believe he’s saying that all of the characters in the movie were disgraceful  “terds”.  But why did he mis-spell Inglourious?  The answer could lie in the way he wrote the ending, which we won’t reveal in this post.  We encourage you to watch this film in its entirety and see how you feel at the end of the movie.  Perhaps the intentional placing of the “u” in “Inglourious” was Mr. Tarantino’s clever way of saying, when you use or condone the same violent tactics as the bad guys, you’re one of the “Basterds” too.

If you catch yourself seeking vengeance in any area of your life, take a look at this movie.  It just might motivate you to look for another approach.

All Peace Overtures content Copyright © 2011 by David Barnes and Sue-Anne MacGregor. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission is strictly prohibited.

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We all have times where our current situation isn’t pleasant and no longer seems to be working.  This could be a job where there’s no life balance, a marriage dynamic, or your current financial situation.  If you recognize situations in your life that don’t seem to be working anymore, remember you have a choice and can always choose something different.  Find a new job, go to marriage counseling, or find a financial planning coach.  Whatever the situation, you can choose differently.

Changing situations can be difficult and take time.  You also have another choice, to change your attitude.  When life circumstances seem insurmountable you still can choose an outlook that serves you and your current experience.  Many times we forget and get stuck in the heaviness of what is occurring.  Life becomes difficult and we feel like Norm Peterson from Cheers when Woody asks him how’s it going.  Norm replies, “It’s a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear”.  It’s funny, but doesn’t help the situation.

You Always Have a Choice

Whether we know it or not, you’re always choosing.  If you believe your current situation is the only option and you can’t see any other way, then it will have to play out.  By staying in your current situation you are unconsciously agreeing to it.  It always comes down to two choices, change your attitude or change your situation.  There’s really nothing in between.

In the movie The Proposal, Margaret Tate (Sandra Bullock) is a demanding Editor-in Chief at a prosperous New York publishing firm. Margaret is feared by her staff, she’s mean and at times down right scary.  Margaret only has one dimension in life and it’s her job.  She doesn’t have anything outside of work and expects others should do the same.

Margaret is so focused on her job, that she neglects to renew her work visa.  Margaret’s supervisors inform her that she’s being deported back to Canada and it looks like she’ll no longer have a job. Margaret comes up with an idea that could keep her in the U.S.  She pretends to be engaged to her assistant Andrew Paxton (Ryan Reynolds) to overcome the immigration predicament.  While this is a clever solution, the only way it will work is if attitudes change.

Andrew tries to resist Margaret’s demand that he marry her, but she threatens his career and forces him to acquiesce.  He’s so afraid of Margaret that he’s willing to risk going to jail to preserve his upward motion at the firm.  Andrew is not unlike most of us these days in various degrees.  We keep working so hard because we’re certain if we don’t, we’ll lose our dream of improving our lives through a better job, more salary, etc.

Both Margaret and Andrew have made work their life.  They like what they do, but may not be able to continue working together because of the current circumstances they face.  In order to prove they are really a couple, Margaret returns with Andrew to his home in Alaska.  Grandma Annie (Betty White) is turning 90 and the family is having a major party.

As Margaret and Andrew act like a couple they begin to change their attitudes.  Margaret starts to see Andrew as a person and not a thing.  She gets to know Andrew and discovers new attributes and characteristics about him.  Her attitude changes, she becomes softer, and starts to enjoy his company.

Andrew has to stop seeing Margaret as such a horrible person.  We get a sense of how he feels about her when Grandma Annie meets Margaret and asks, “Do you prefer Margaret or Satan’s Mistress”?

Margaret and Andrew lighten their attitudes about each other.  A spark between them is ignited and the two begin to fall in love.  Now this marriage strategy doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.  Because both were able to change their attitudes, it helped solve the problem of their work circumstances.

When you revise your outlook and change your attitude, typically your situation improves too.  An optimistic attitude can be like blessings and prayers toward your current circumstances. See your attitude choices as sending blessings to your current situation.  A good attitude can be a powerful prayer that has a tangible effect.

We’ve all been in situations where there was nothing we could do.  We get stuck in a traffic jam, our flight is delayed, or the weather changed our plans. We could also find ourselves facing an illness, loss of a job, or any other major change. No matter how difficult the circumstances, you can change your attitude. If you don’t, you’ll just be miserable.

Life is always changing and in our modern times the pace seems to be increasing.  Remember, when you choose an optimistic attitude, change won’t be as painful.  You may even discover solutions that can assist you and others too.

May you find some peace today.

All Peace Overtures content Copyright © 2011 by David Barnes and Sue-Anne MacGregor. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission is strictly prohibited.

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We all know people who see life from the perspective that their glass is always half-full and not half-empty.  Their perspective defaults to an upbeat way of looking at life.  Are you drawn to people like this or do you see it as a “Pollyanna” approach that’s annoying and not realistic?

Your perspective will determine how joyful you are in life.  You can choose to moan about reality or take the route Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) did in the classic film, Dumb and Dumber.   It’s up to you.  We encourage you to watch this clip:

Reality is what you make it.  It’s all a matter of perspective.  There are the facts and then the story you put around the facts.  Have you noticed how one event, such as an accident, a family get together, or a disagreement is rarely interpreted exactly the same by everyone?

Why is it that we consider upbeat and open-minded people as bizarre?  Perhaps the way they look at the world doesn’t match our own perspective and we think they’re weird.    Andrew Zimmern has created a show on the Travel channel called Bizarre Foods.  The show is about exotic and new foods that we think are bizarre.  Each show starts out with Andrew’s quote:  “It happens suddenly, right in front of me.  A fascinating friend, an amazing meal and before you know it you’re alive in a way you never imagined – I live for those moments.  Pursuing the exotic and the unfamiliar, especially when it comes to the food.  If it looks good, I eat it”!   Andrew Zimmern Bizarre Foods, Travel Channel

If you watch the show, Mr. Zimmern appears to be having a joyful time.  Every where he goes, people enjoy being around him.  It’s so different that we tune in to see what bizarre culture or food he’ll try next.  His approach is open, fun, and entertaining.  Even though sometimes we can’t get ourselves to be this way, we live vicariously through Andrew.  As he says, “Where ever you find crazy fun people, you’ll find crazy good food”.  Wouldn’t you like to have dinner with that guy?

Another example can be seen in Disney’s movie, Enchanted.   Giselle (Amy Adams) is a fairy tale princess who was sent to earth by the evil Queen Narissa.  Giselle left her cartoon fairy tale existence and landed in the harsh world of contrast, New York City.  She had never experienced the full range of emotions, what it’s like to be cold or how rain feels when it’s pouring on her skin.  Giselle is fascinated with this world of feeling and her childlike approach attracts everyone she meets.  In her cartoon world, everything always worked out for her.  Life is filled with joy and possibility.  For Giselle, love is romantic and to be celebrated with song and dance.

Giselle meets Robert Phillip (Patrick Dempsey), and he becomes her guide to the reality of life in this new world.  Robert’s first marriage experience hurt him in a way that he still carries.  To keep from hurting again, life becomes practical and rational for him.  Living is a serious endeavor and he’s resigned to see life through these glasses in everything he does.  There’s no room for playful expression and magic doesn’t exist. Robert tries to pass on these beliefs to his young daughter Morgan, but she’s skeptical and doesn’t buy into his teachings.   He’s trying to protect his daughter and doesn’t want Morgan to feel the pain that he has felt.  As Robert explains to Giselle, “I just want her to be strong, you know? To be able to face the world for what it is. That’s why I don’t encourage the fairy tales. I don’t want to set her up to believe that dreams come true”.”  Giselle doesn’t see it that way and tells him,“But dreams do come true and maybe something wonderful will happen.”

Giselle becomes Robert’s guide to lightening up and not taking everything so seriously.  Just like Morgan, she does not accept Robert’s beliefs that life has to always be practical.

Eventually Giselle rubs off on Robert.  He starts sending his fiance flowers, with the help of Giselle’s doves.  He buys tickets to the King’s Ball and even attends in full costume.  A playful side of Robert is revealed. He allows himself to dance at the ball and realizes that life the way Giselle sees it is lighter and more fun.  It’s at the ball that he recognizes the spark and magic of love again.  His true love’s kiss happened to be Giselle after all.

Don’t we all want life to be more joyful as it plays out in Enchanted?  Seek out the Andrew Zimmern and Giselle like people in your life.  What makes them so joyful?  How do they approach life?  The more time you spend around people who have a lighter perspective, they’re bound to rub off on you.  If nothing else, you’ll get some new ideas to try in your own life.  Watch Enchanted and give a new perspective a try.  See what happens. You might just feel lighter.

May you find some peace today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

All Peace Overtures content Copyright © 2011 by David Barnes and Sue-Anne MacGregor. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission is strictly prohibited.

 

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We all have periods in our lives where it feels like we’re emotionally out of control.  It’s as if our emotions are running the show and others are responsible for how they play out.  We’re simply at the mercy of our emotions.  We are their victim.  If you recognize this happening in your life, try grounding your emotions.

Being accountable for your own emotional reactivity is tricky business.  What do you do when the emotions just seem to overwhelm you and you don’t want to be reactive?  You know letting them flow is the best course of action and that is scary because you are afraid you’ll throw the emotion at someone.  It all seems too difficult.  This is your indicator that the emotions need to be grounded.  This mobilized energy has to be released and it is your job. No one else can do it for you.

Think of your emotional state as a kite.  Some of us have small efficient kites and others have large ornate designs that fill the sky.  Regardless of your particular kite and size, it must remain grounded.  When a kite is not grounded on a string or tether, it can spin out of control.  This can be dangerous to the kite.  It’s at the mercy of the unpredictable winds.  There’s no guessing where the kite might go: it could get stuck in a tree, continue to flail uncontrollably, or instantly drop to the ground.  The kite can get damaged or worse destroyed.

When your emotions are not grounded, you open yourself up to unpredictable outcomes that can make your journey more difficult.  So many of us want someone to hold our kite string for us and be responsible for it. Yes, there’s a place for that support, but first you have to ground your own kite so others can then support you.  The bigger the kite, the bigger tether required to keep it flying while anchored firmly to the earth.  When you become untethered you flail about smacking those around you, taking them and you off course.  When you ground your own emotional system, it’s safe for others to support you.

An ungrounded emotional system can make you vulnerable to manipulation in ways you won’t see coming.  Your kite is now at the mercy of whatever manipulative winds surge past you.  These influential winds come in many gusts and sizes.  It can be a simple news report that angers or scares you.  It can be your mate forgetting to pick up milk from the grocery store. Or, a passing comment of disapproval from a friend or loved one.

In the movie Black Swan, Nina Sayers lands the coveted lead role in the ballet “Swan Lake”.   Nina’s deeply sensitive personality makes her a natural for the white swan role.   It’s the black swan character that intimidates Nina.  The black swan’s dark sides scare her.  She believes that pushing her self to new levels will help her pull off this demanding role.  Nina forgets her own strengths and doubts that she can pull it off.  She puts an inordinate amount of pressure on herself, her body, and takes on the pressure exerted from her mother, the director, and competing ballerinas.  Nina doesn’t appear to be eating meals, she’s not resting, and starts making reckless decisions.  It’s here that we see how ungrounded her emotions are.  Her body is stretched to the limits and she’s not listening or honoring its needs.  As a result, she loses perspective, clarity, and opens herself up to dangerous manipulations.

Often it’s others who instinctively know you’re not grounded and they can either unconsciously or consciously push your buttons.  Not only does this put your peace in their hands, but these types of manipulations can keep you distracted from your purpose, from accomplishing your goals, and delaying the dreams you have for your life.

When your emotions are not grounded you lose perspective and it becomes difficult discerning choices that can have major affects on your life.  You miss opportunities and synchronistic events.   It also opens you up to potentially harmful situations and you’re not even aware of it.

But isn’t Nina a success in the end?  Didn’t she make it happen by pushing herself to a new level?  Yes, Nina was a success, but look at what it cost her.   When we push ourselves to this heightened level it can create such emotional reactivity that most of us end up missing the goal all together.  We get distracted and our dreams go slip sliding away.  We’re so close, but our emotions get frayed and we get lost in the weeds.  Listen to Paul Simon’s famous song and you’ll get some examples of what can happen.

Sometimes the drama of our untethered emotions can be a pattern we don’t see.  Because our swirling emotional system is in such flux we feel justified in letting it flail in the wind.  As if you’re at the mercy of it and there’s nothing you can do.  If you recognize these feelings, you’re probably not staying grounded emotionally.  Remember, the bigger the kite, the more grounding required.  As we embrace being alive and remember our humanness, our emotional journey becomes an adventure and pleasurable.

How Do You Ground Your Emotions?
Think about your emotions as mobilized energy that needs a lightening rod to ground it.  A lightening rod provides a low-resistance path for the electricity to the ground.  It takes the harmful current away from the structure and guides it safely to the earth.  When you find a practice that can be your emotional lightening rod, you and others will be protected from this intense energy.  There are many ways to do this and we encourage to find what works for you.  Here are some suggestions that have worked for us.

Daily Move Your Body
Each of us have to find our own way to regularly move our body.  For most of us, it’s finding a daily practice that’s flexible and adjusts to how you’re feeling in the moment.  For some, a daily walk is all that is needed.  Others use exercise, be it in the gym, yoga, or aerobics.  Still others need a combination of physical activities along with a daily meditation practice.

“There’s many things I do on a day-to-day basis…to prepare myself for the unexpected.  I exercise everyday…mentally that puts me in a clearer place.  Hugh Jackman, Iconoclasts 2010.

Depending on the size of your kite, you may need physical activity breaks throughout the day to help keep you grounded.

When Sue-Anne is grounding her emotional energy, she cleans her house.  She’ll clean everything from the floors to a cupboard that needs organized.

Be In Nature
Find time regardless of the season.  Be out in nature around trees, flowers, birds, and any place that’s calm and beautiful.   If you live near water, try walking by it on a regular basis.  Being in nature every day can keep us grounded and calm.

Dedicated Daily Quiet Time
There are many ways you can create your own daily practice of quiet time.  Some people meditate, others pray, cook, read, etc.   When you find your own practice, return to it daily and it will help you ground your emotions.

Be Mindful Of Your Food
Food can be a powerful source of grounding.  Especially if you’re not currently mindful of what you’re eating.  There are countless resources that provide guidance in what foods are best for your system, that support your health, and correspond with the seasonal changes.  Dan Buettner wrote a book called The Blue Zones and discovered ways that others throughout the world have mastered longevity.  Many of the ideas in his book would help keep your emotional systems grounded.

Get The Rest Needed For Your System
Many times we overlook the need for rest – especially in our western culture.  We’re living in a fast-paced multitasking environment and there never seems to be enough time for sleep, rejuvenation, and vacations.  When you keep your body rested, your emotional kite stays grounded.

Now you’ve discovered ways to ground yourself emotionally each day, it’s time to realize you have a choice on whether to use these tools or not.   When you’re emotions remain grounded, life doesn’t feel so heavy.  You can then start to take yourself lightly.  Check back for our next blog and we’ll give you some thoughts on how to take yourself less seriously and embrace a lighter outlook on life.

May you find some peace today,

David and Sue-Anne

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Emotional reactivity in our selves and those around us has a cost.  It limits our abilities to choose differently.  When you begin making your needs a priority, this change can create reactivity in others.  You’re no longer predictable emotionally and your new inner strength can be unsettling.  When we are anxious about how others will react,we don’t pursue our needs because we’re afraid of getting their reactivity thrown at us.  It’s just easier to keep pleasing others.  This is especially true when dealing with an employer, a spouse, a parent, or any other person we perceive as having influential power.

Reactivity has become so common that we’re uncomfortable when someone doesn’t have an expected reaction.  It’s as if they don’t care or are coldly responding in the face of a situation that demands emotional reactivity.  Somehow reactivity has come to mean you care because you’re uncontrollably upset.

Because we’ve become so accustomed to our own reactive nature, we can’t see how often we take what people say and do personally.  When you take other people’s emotional reactivity personally, you are handing over your freedom to them.  Their approval becomes the most important thing – far more important than what YOU want or how YOU want to live your life.  You’re no longer free to see how you really feel about a situation.  You are reacting to the perceived control the other person is exerting.  When someone is reactive and spraying you with their emotions, it’s usually an indication of how they’re feeling and truly has nothing to do with you.

Sometimes emotional reactivity makes a person want to shut down and withdraw.  Just the thought of getting sprayed with more reactivity causes some of us to stuff our emotions.  It’s as if we put them in the freezer to be addressed later.  We certainly won’t let the reactive people around us know how we feel; we’ll merely get more emotions thrown our way.  Maintaining this type of control over your own deep feelings is a way to protect yourself and it can feel suffocating.  It often leads to avoiding necessary discussions, a loss of personal boundaries, and a pattern of trying to please the reactive one so you don’t feel their discomfort.

Depending on your family or cultural norms, stuffing your emotions can be the proper way to behave and there’s great pressure to prevent you from allowing your emotions to flow.  When you freeze your emotions long enough, it can be hard to get in touch with how you really feel and this creates another set of challenges.

In the movie, The King’s Speech, we have an example of how to stay grounded emotionally while allowing another to thaw his emotions.  Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush) is a highly skilled speech therapist who is introduced to a famous and powerful new client, the future King George VI (Colin Firth).  Lionel has the challenging task of helping his client work with his stammering.  King George, or “Bertie” as Lionel calls him, doesn’t feel fit to be king.  Bertie believes his stammering is an embarrassment to him, his family, and his country.  Lionel helps Bertie to begin thawing his emotions and provides a space where it’s okay for the past pain and struggles to be released.  Lionel has much practice in this work.  He has worked with many men returning from war who have experienced trauma.  Lionel helped these men by allowing their emotions to be expressed and psyches to heal.

Bertie experienced a difficult childhood.  He was ridiculed for his stammering and it seems he was neglected as a child.  We see how these experiences have remained with him and how he stuffed all the emotion.

Lionel shows us how to stay calm and centered in the face of someone releasing their frozen emotions.  He doesn’t get reactive and does not take the King’s emotional responses personally.  Lionel becomes a powerful example of how to respond to others instead of react. It takes calm strength and gentle courage to remain balanced in the face of emotional releasing.

How Do You Know If You’re Reacting or Releasing?

It can be tricky and complicated to recognize when you’re unconsciously reacting and when you’re releasing.  Here are some general tips that we’ve experienced that might help you decipher.  Reactivity often has a recognizable pattern: person A does something and you react.  This reaction typically happens regardless of who is involved.  The content is very similar and produces the same reaction.  You start to see a pattern, hearing yourself saying and complaining about the same thing repeatedly.

Releasing is more difficult to detect.  We’ve found that our releasing looks like overblown emotion that’s disproportionate to the issue at hand.  It’s similar to an explosion that came out of nowhere and has intensity that’s just not rational.  Think of a volcano erupting without warning.  Bertie shows us examples of what this looks like.  He starts to release his emotions with such power around discussions of his past.  Each time he explodes, he feels better and has less of an emotional charge around his stammering.  Bertie has kept all these emotions locked up inside and they erupt with great force when the pressure is released.

When you recognize you’re releasing, it’s beneficial to seek out an experienced practitioner, clergy member, or teacher.  Many times, we unconsciously expect our mate, family or friends to play the counselor role.  This can be asking too much of them, especially if their pattern is to react unconsciously.   It’s not their job to facilitate you through these times.  Sure they can be supportive, but too much releasing can put unnecessary stress on your most cherished connections.  Bertie didn’t expect his wife to counsel him through these challenging moments.  Having Lionel’s expertise allowed her to lovingly support him to keep going.

Remember, this can be challenging work, so get some help and know you’re worth it.  The more your emotion builds up, the more problems you’ll experience later.   Sue-Anne uses the example of defrosting a freezer with her clients.  It takes time to melt the layers of ice and you can’t force it without damaging the freezer.  A skilled practitioner can help you melt these frozen emotions and it will make the process much smoother.  Bertie was fortunate to have such a skilled teacher in Lionel and ends up gaining a lifelong friend.

We recommend the movie, The King’s Speech.  As you watch it, here are some things to consider:

• How did Bertie’s emotions become so frozen?
• How do you freeze your emotions?

If you’re open to discussing it with us, please use the comments section to share your insights.

In our next blog, we’ll discuss staying emotionally grounded and how it can assist when you’re feeling reactive.

May you find some peace today.

David and Sue-Anne

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We live in times where we can’t see our own intolerance – especially of our own inner needs.   Our needs for rest, for nourishment, rejuvenation, for love, and peace.  We’re especially intolerant of our need for change.  We treat ourselves in ways that make these needs seem irrelevant.   We often notice, but don’t address the expectations and intolerant ways of the employers we work with or the people in our lives.  It’s as if we’re incarcerated and don’t even know it.

In the movie The American, Jack (George Clooney) is ruthless, merciless and his life is grim.  He lives the solitary and secretive life of an assassin.  Jack’s (also called Edward) work is all-consuming and his attention to the details of his career is precise.  It is his life and that’s all he has.  He doesn’t have love, a wife or a family.  His work is too demanding and dangerous.

Jack doesn’t have any passion in his life other than work.  He wants freedom but there’s no getting away from his job.  He’s not happy and wants a new life but doesn’t see this as a possibility.  Jack/Edward doesn’t believe love is possible or that he even deserves love.  We get to see what happens when we become all consumed by our work and this becomes the only dimension in our life.

As Pavel, Jack’s boss says, “Above all, don’t make any friends Jack…you used to know that…you’ve lost your edge Jack”.

Jack never has any down time.  Every moment he’s on guard, including sleep. He can’t trust anyone in any place.  His inner torment is palpable throughout the movie.

Jack’s initial choice of work probably wasn’t projected into the future.  The special forces tattoo on his biceps suggests maybe being an assassin seemed the only job he felt trained to do.   Many of us take the first job before us because of money or other conveniences without considering ourselves, our needs, and how this will play out in the future.  It’s as if we’re intolerant of our unique needs and don’t make them a part of our life choices. While Jack’s example is in the extreme, it does help us see what it feels like to be trapped in a job, with an intolerant employer that seems to leave us with little options.

Don’t all of us at times believe we have to accept the intolerant demands of our employers and others in our lives?  We think we don’t have a choice, as if we’re stuck.  We’re afraid to look for a new job for fear our employer will find out.  If that happened, how would we survive without our job?  That is the palpable fear we’ve all bought into at times and it sure steals our peace.  We don’t feel any freedom and we want something different.  It just doesn’t seem possible.

Mr. Butterfly
Throughout the movie, we see Jack’s butterfly tattoos, we see him studying books on butterflies, butterflies are all around him.  As a result, others call him Mr. Butterfly or Farfalla in Italian.   A butterfly is a powerful symbol of change in many traditions.  Butterflies bring color and joy to our lives.  Perhaps the film makers are using this symbol to indicate his deep need for change and joy in his life.    For Jack, it doesn’t seem like this change towards joy and love is possible.

The American is now available on DVD.  There are many beautifully crafted scenes throughout the movie.  We recommend this movie.  If you’re drawn to it, add it to your rental list.   Here’s a clip from the trailer

Intolerance can be a self-imposed prison.  What prevents us from opening the prison door?  We feel we must fit the societal norms, family norms, political, work, and religious expectations.  We believe these are the important ways of being and they should drive and direct our lives.  What we want is secondary to the external demands.

Examples of tolerance in these modern times can take some work to discover.  Make it a practice to look for them.  Perhaps it’s because we’re so intolerant of our selves that we aren’t naturally tolerant of others.

So how do you start being more tolerant with you?

• Allow your emotions to guide you when making choices in your life.
• Become aware of your self talk.  Would you talk to your most cherished loved ones the way you talk to yourself?
• Give yourself permission to accept your needs as a priority.  When you’re tired rest.  Make time for yourself each day.  If you don’t feel this is possible, begin with 5 minutes.
• Stop trying to take care of everyone else’s needs first, then yours.  When your needs are met, you always have more to give to others.
• Try not to be so judgmental of your choices and accept the fact that you’re doing the best you can.
• Always do your best.  In Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements, he says, “It doesn’t matter if you are sick or tired, if you always do your best there is no way you can judge yourself.  And if you don’t judge yourself there is no way you are going to suffer from guilt, blame, and self-punishment”.
• Embrace your need for change and don’t fear it.
• Seek joy every day and accept the fact that you need joy and you deserve it.

When your needs become the priority in your life, reactivity may occur from those around you.  Now what do you do?  We will discuss some strategies in our next blog.

May you find some peace today,

David & Sue-Anne

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Peace Overtures Blog

Peace is defined as: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or the absence of mental stress and anxiety.  Many times we think of peace of mind as a place we’ll arrive someday and forever reside.  If we could just read one more book, attend another inspirational class or learn a new spiritual practice, then our life will be perfect and we’ll have peace of mind.  It’s as if peace means we have attained perfection and no longer have problems in our life.

Our belief is that peace of mind is a practice that you continue to discover and not a place of perfection that you some how obtain.  It’s about finding your way back to peace when the normal experiences of life rattle you.  The more you practice this process, the quicker you return to peace.   Our human lives were never meant to be perfect and it’s the journey that helps us see when we’ve lost our peace.  Our emotions give us clues to how to get back to a peaceful mind.

In this blog, we intend to provide pathways to peace of mind and to share our thoughts and ideas using popular culture as examples.  We believe there are many pathways to peace and look forward to introducing you to some of the ones we’ve discovered.

Life  at the Speed of Technology

When someone is impatient and says, “I haven’t got all day,” I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin

We all at times try to jam too much into every moment feeling irritated when the world isn’t fitting our timing.  It truly feels like 24 hours isn’t enough and we just don’t have enough time.  We get many opportunities to be aware of our impatience, be it the traffic jam when your late for work or an appointment, or the chatty checkout person at the grocery store, or trying to get your family to an event on time.  It can sometimes feel like you’ll burst if things don’t go how you planned.  We’ve all experienced these occurrences and impatience has become apart of our modern culture.

The Speed of Technology has increased that impatience by allowing us to get instant responses to questions any time of day or night and distorted our perception of time.  We can google the internet and instantly receive a multitude of answers.  What it hides is that it took multiple people time and expertise to create those answers.  When we email, text, call people, we expect them to respond with the same speed as the internet.  We don’t even recognize that time is required for them to respond.  Since we want the answer now, their response should come now too.  The affect in our everyday life is that we believe we have to be hooked to technology 24/7, if not we won’t keep up.  We’ll miss something important.  We’re like young children who don’t want to sleep because they think they’ll miss something and that means we won’t have the perfect life.  If we just move faster and work harder, then we think we’ll find that elusive happiness.  Instead, just like children, we get worn down, fussy and reactive.  Then our impatient side takes over, because our list never gets done and happiness gets pushed back for another day.

The Speed of Technology intensifies our sense of urgency.  If someone seems to lack a sense of urgency we judge them.  This is especially seen in the work place where managers mistakenly perceive a lack of urgency to be a lack of commitment.  Maybe they don’t care enough and don’t get the importance of the priorities.

Impatience creates chaos for us and those around us.  Now is our time to remember we are humans not machines.

Our lives seem to be getting faster, more challenging, and more uncertain.  Impatient ways of being can become even more jarring when you’re in the middle of change.  Life rarely is predictable and doesn’t happen in sequential ways.  Creation can be messy and impatience can make the journey much harder than it needs to be.

Here’s a suggestion: treat your life like a garden.  Pause for a moment and think about gardening.  When you’re planning a garden, it takes time to select what you want to grow, you have to prepare the soil, plant the seeds, weed and water your plants and wait for them to bring forth the produce or flowers you desired. The very nature of a garden is uncertainty, risk, and PATIENCE.  Rarely do you find an impatient person wanting to grow a vegetable or rose garden.   You can’t make a plant grow a tomato when you want it and how you want it.  Nature just doesn’t work that way.

In the ABC TV series, Modern Family we have an easy example of how impatience plays out in ways we can all relate to. We like this series because they help us laugh at our own recognizable foibles.

In one of this season’s episodes called “Manny Get Your Gun”, all three families are playing out impatience in humorous ways.  It’s Manny’s birthday and three families are running late and trying to get to his party on time.  It’s funny to see how all the members of the Pritchett family are the ones running around pushing their family to get moving or else they’ll be late.  It’s easy to see this is a family pattern of impatience.  What’s humorous is how each of their family members react to their time demands.  Some get rattled and others are just not going to try and keep up with their pace.  We get to see how the more they push, the more chaos is created all around them.  It’s funny because at times, we all react to events as the Prichett and Dunphy families do.

We suggest you watch this episode and become aware of your own impatient streak.  You can purchase Manny Get Your Gun  at Amazon or Itunes.

How To Deal With Your Impatient Streak?

• Establish a daily practice spending a minimum of five minutes in quiet contemplation.  That could be a short walk, a moment with no technology, standing under the shower, or taking care of your pets.  During this time, give yourself a neutral focus, to give the mind something to do
• Establish hours when you’re available and when you’re not.  Schedule your down time, just like you do your work time and bless yourself with that time – you’ll be more productive for it
• Your impatience may be telling you it time for rest and that you’re stretched way too thin. Exhaustion has impatient side effects.
• Pay attention to your self talk – especially when driving.
• Notice if your trying to force outcomes, practice going with the flow
• Maybe you’re taking life too seriously, find something that makes you laugh
• Notice what you’ve done for yourself lately, it might be that you’re not respecting your own human needs
• Check and see if you’re being intolerant of your own process and of others.  Next time we’ll talk about how intolerance affects our lives.

May you find some peace today,

David and Sue-Anne

All Peace Overtures content Copyright © 2011 by David Barnes and Sue-Anne MacGregor. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission is strictly prohibited.